#I need to stop feeling like this every 4 days
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
ultimatelygrey · 1 day ago
Text
Copied from the article:
"I have no problem with women. One threw a slipper at me, so I gave her a kick here (pointing to the groin), broke all this here. She can't have children today."
"X shot an Arab four times in the back and got away with a self-defense claim. Four bullets in the back from a distance of ten meters ... cold-blooded murder. We did things like that every day."
"An Arab just walked down the street, about 25 years old, didn't throw a stone, nothing. Bang, a bullet in the stomach. Shot him in the stomach, and he was dying on the sidewalk, and we drove away indifferently."
"A new commander came to us. We went out with him on the first patrol at six in the morning. He stops. There's not a soul in the streets, just a little 4-year-old boy playing in the sand in his yard. The commander suddenly starts running, grabs the boy, and breaks his arm at the elbow and his leg here. Stepped on his stomach three times and left. We all stood there with our mouths open. Looking at him in shock ... I asked the commander: "What's your story?" He told me: These kids need to be killed from the day they are born. When a commander does that, it becomes legit."
"I saw sadistic people there. People who enjoy causing suffering to others. … What was most disturbing was to see how easily and quickly ordinary people can detach themselves and not see the reality right in front of their eyes when they are in a difficult and shocking human situation."
"There is total dehumanization here. You don't really treat them as if they are human beings ... in retrospect, the hardest thing for me is what I felt, or actually what I didn't feel when I was there. It bothers me that it didn't bother me. There is normalization of the process, and at some point, it just stops bothering."
"The dehumanization scared me. The encounter with such dangerous attitudes, which has become more normal in our society, was traumatic for me ... I discharged myself from reserve duty with a psychiatrist's help."
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
4K notes · View notes
fuqnia · 19 hours ago
Text
SP Main Four + butters !College AU Relationship Headcanons
Tumblr media
[☆] A/N | hii guys! i recently hit 500 likes on tumblr and i'm like so speechless... i never wouldve thought people would be interested in reading my stupid little writing hehe, so tysm! my long fic, most wanted, is coming to a close soon, and I have been working on another longfic that's a fem!reader insert x main 4 boys in college! i'm also probably going to write a more realistic/sadder headcanons, because this one was toothachingly sweet </3
[☆] C/W | NSFW under the cut, this is also for f!reader, but i'm open to writing a gn!reader or m!reader in the future
[☆] check out my !college au headcanons for the boys + butters here!
Tumblr media
☆ stan marsh
hopeless romantic
will definitely do the most cheesy things for you
has a mixtape of songs that remind him of you
writes love letters, but never gives them to you
feels everything deeply, he's a big ol' baby
late night talks about his fears and dreams
craves emotional intimacy and trust w/ you
super duper attentive to your needs
will put you over himself
overthinks
enjoys laid-back dates! like movie dates, thrifting, strolls
gets jealous reallyyy easily
wont outright admit it tho
very insecure, if someone flirts with u, he'll just sulk LOL
avoids confrontations at all costs
not afraid to cry in front of you
vomits on you if you do something really provocative to him
always offer his jacket/hoodie to you
loves holding your hand
laces his fingers thru yours and swings your hands
goofy ah grin when you surprise him with kisses
big on cuddling
gets super flustered when his friends teases him about you
obsessed with your laugh
keeps a picture of you in his wallet
NSFW
sooo nervous during your first time with him
very eager to please!
takes his time learning what you like
kisses every inch of your body
starts with your lips and works his way down
definitely a soft dom
"does this feel good?" "tell me if you want me to stop"
loves holding your hand while in you
eats your p out like your his last meal
i think he would be more into receiving than giving, but doesn't mind giving at all!
gets shy when you compliment him and tell him how good he is making you feel
prefers gentle sex, unless you want it rough
his entire body flushes red when you tease his cock
like palming thru his shorts, or pressing quick kisses to his tip
loves to cum in your mouth
goes crazy if he gets to paint your face tho
i'm sorry but this man is into creampies...
gets turned on when you're really emotional/crying from him pleasuring you
favorite position is definitely cowgirl
definitely an ass man, loves squishing/pinching your skin
kisses your forehead, cheeks and lips after going down on you
i think he would also be kinda quiet, wouldn't let out that many moans
Tumblr media
☆ kyle broflovski
shows his love thru actions rather than words
remembers every anniversary, even the little ones :)
makes detailed itineraries for dates
even though he's a yapper, he definitely enjoys listening to you
fiercely loyal
takes no disrespect towards you
ready to work anyone's shit as so much as they look at you funny
probably would like someone who would challenge him intellectually
needs you to have the same core values as him
DO NOT DO PDA WITH THIS MAN
he will just look at you with pure disgust if you even attempt to...
but will secretly hold hands under the table or sneak a kiss when no one is looking
puts too much pressure on himself to be perfect for you
always notices this little things about you
oh you changed your nail color? you applied your makeup differently?
will blush like crazy when you compliment him
awkwardly rubs the back of his neck
will get irrationally jealous
tries to hide it by cracking sarcastic jokes
writes you long thoughtful texts when your apart, updates you about his day, asks you how yours went
becomes super attentive when your sad or stressed
wraps you in a blanket, makes you tea
i feel like he'd hate the feeling of having a crush
but once he's in a relationship, lowkey a romantic, buy you books he'd think you'd like, jewelry that compliments your skin tone
NSFW
overthinks everything at first
constantly asks "is this okay? are you sure?"
like i said, super attentive, he needs to make sure you're okay
loves eye contact while fucking you
gets really shy when you take control but secretly loves it
prefers slow deliberate strokes and touches
has a thing for neck kisses– both giving and receiving
talks your through it
"you're perfect" "you feel so good"
gets competitive if you tease him about lasting longer
please kiss his freckles... he'll go absolutely feral
not afraid to leave hickeys, scratches or nail prints on you
wrap your legs around his waist, your arms around his neck and his life is yours LOL
i think missionary would be his favorite position
needs to see your face
it's his life mission to make you squirt...
loves fingering you
sit on his face ?
super embarrassed about his moans, but lets it out anyways lmfao
loves your titties, no matter the size
will beg you to let him cum in you
Tumblr media
☆ kenny mccormick
we all know kenny is a natural flirt
will wink, smirk, and use cheesy pick-up lines to make you blush
loves physical affection
always has an arm around your waist
makes you laugh constantly
goes to extreme lengths to see you smile, whether it's his silly pranks or grand gestures
draws little hearts and doodles on your notebooks/texts
if he's super bored, he'll draw on your skin lmfao
super duper protective— he'll walk you home late at night and make sure you're always safe
loves taking you on adventurous dates, especially sneaking into places you're not supposed to be
calls you "babe," "sweetheart," or "princess" with that drawl of his hehe
not above embarrassing himself, will write cringe worthy poems or songs and serenade you
immediately notices when you're a little bit off
pulls you into a hug, rubbing your back
buys you little trinkets and steals snacks from eric, saying, "i saw this and thought of you!"
obsessed with kissing you, he'll lean in for a quick peck and smirks when he notices your smile
immediately goes back in for a longer kiss
i think he's super good at braiding hair, and loves playing with yours!
please wear his band tees <3
NSFW
super duper confident, definitely knows what he's doing
loves teasing you, using soft kisses and touches to drive you crazy before giving in
worships your body, tracing every curve with his lips and hands
like kyle, adores it when you take charge and being at your mercy
whispers dirty things in your ear, his voice low and sultry
"you're so fuckin' beautiful babe, I can't get enough of you."
VOCAL AS FUCK ! he'll groan, sigh, whisper your name, letting you know exactly how good you're making him feel
has a downright pornographic moan....
obviously a boob guy, he'll suck and manhandle your tits like there's no tomorrow
will cop a feel secretly infront of others as well LOL
also a thigh and neck guy—he'll kiss, nip, and mark you like he's marking a claim on you
definitely cums alot.... i'm sorry lmfao
dirty as fuck as well... spits in your mouth, puts his fingers in your mouth, making you suck him
taps his tip against your tongue, smearing his precum all over your lips
a big fan of sloppy toppy, grabbing your hair and face fucking you
he's tew good with his tongue... and so so messy when eating you out
will not hold back with his noises, literally slurping ???
loves loves loves overstimulation
favorite position is mating press, loves looking at where you guys connect
cusses when he cums
will crack some corny joke afterward to make you laugh,
"so... we're pretty good at this, huh?" and giggles like a schoolgirl
loves cuddling afterwards!
Tumblr media
☆ eric cartman
definitely does grand gestures
brags to everyone about being in a relationship
"yeah, she's lucky to have me."
nobody believes that...
hates PDA in theory, but secretly loves it when you grab his hand or kiss his cheek
he'll complain, but his blushing face gives him away
sends you the most random memes and videos throughout the day as his way of saying he's thinking abt you <3
gets ridiculously competitive when it comes to impressing you
if someone else buys you flowers, he'll show up with a bouquet and stuffed animal, screaming profanities at the other person
jealousss to the max
glares daggers at everyone he perceives a threat, coming up with some sick and twisted plan is his head to take 'em down
gets super pouty when you tease him, but loves the banter between the two of you "i'm not fat, i'm big-boned and you know it!"
will absolutely demand you come over to "study", but in reality he just wants to spend time with you hehehe
has a soft spot when you baby him a little
like brushing his hair or adjusting his hoodie, he'll pretend to hate it but he's melting inside
if you're upset, he'll try to cheer you up in his own weird way...
usually a mix of crude jokes and awkward affection ??
please don't cry infront of him, he'll just panic
keeps a picture of you on his phone as his lock screen, and gets super defensive if anyone points it out
"shut up kahl! it's not even a big deal!"
gaslights the hell out of you, but eventually gives in when he realizes you'll just gaslight him back
will bring you up in any and every conversation, and doesn't care if it annoys the fuck out of his friends
proudly shows off your achievements and loudly declare that you're the bestest girlfriend in the world !
until you piss him off...
NSFW
talks a big game about being dominant and kinky
but he's secretly all about soft and sensual moments with you <3
loves loves loves being in control, rarely lets you take the lead
he needs to boost his ego somehow!
will grab your jaw to force you to look at him, his nails pressing hard into your cheeks
"awe, my poor baby is being fucked too dumb, can't even speak properly"
i'm sorry, but this man never shuts up in bed
whether it's dirty talk or low/breathy moans, he's always yapping
really mean too ):
depending on his mood, he'll either take you to pound town, or just veryy lazy sex
gets flustered if you tell him how good he's making you feel, and fails majorly covering it up
"well, duh. i'm amazing."
loves leaving hickeys—he'll mark you in places just barely hidden, so you're always reminded your his.
obsessed with the fat of your ass and tits, doesn't matter the size—he's all about kisses and touches
will 100% lose focus if you whisper in his ear
his cocky demeanor crumbles instantly, and he's completely at your mercy
gets embarrassed easily if you get too emotional, crying and pawing at his chest that you feel too good
this man does not own a single condom... he'll just pull out and paint your stomach
edges you when he's in a particularly bad mood, and only gives in when you're begging
definitely prefers receiving over giving, but likes the feeling of your walls clamping down on his fingers
asks you to stick out your tongue so he can see the load he blew LMFAOO WHY DID I WRITE THIS
i can't decide if he'd prefer doggy style or cowgirl, so ig just depends on his mood?
has a secret stash of candles or mood lighting for when things get "serious"
will deny deny deny it if anyone ever finds out.
his aftercare is surprisingly sweet— he'll tuck you in, grab snacks, and make sure you're comfortable before he starts pretending he doesn't care <3
Tumblr media
☆ butters stotch
is THE definition of doting boyfriend
he'll write you sweet notes and hide them in your bag for you to find later
always asks for your opinion on everything
from what outfit he should wear to what movie the two of you should watch
he just wants to make you happy 😭
blushes like crazy when you compliment him, his hands fidgeting nervously as he stammers out a thank you
will call you every nickname under the sun
"sweet pie," "honeybunch," "cutie patootie"
he's so genuine it's impossible not to grab his cheeks and smile
loves holding hands—it makes him feel safe and connected to you
like stan, he'll swing your arms as you walk, grinning ear to ear
will apologize profusely for the tiniest things, even if it's not his fault
"oh, gosh, i’m sorry! did I step on your toe?"
keeps a running list of all your favorite things so he can surprise you with thoughtful gifts or dates!
if you're upset, he'll bake you cookies or cupcakes and sit with you until you feel better
"it's okay to cry, you know. i'm here."
absolutely adores cuddling, but gets super shy at first
once he's comfortable, he's wrapping you in the coziest of hugs
brings you flowers he picked from the campus quad, tied with a little ribbon
"i hope you like ‘em! i thought they were real purdy."
gets starry-eyed whenever you talk about your dreams or passions
he's your biggest cheerleader and believes you can do anything!
definitely giggles as you try to kiss all over his face
allows you to paint his nails, so you both can match
kisses your scratches/bruises whenever you get hurt, then patches you up himself
takes candid photos of you, so he'll always remember the feeling of moments with you <3
NSFW
don't let this man fool you...
he'll act all nervous and shy at first
he'll blush bright red when you undress in front of him
he'll nervously kiss every inch of your skin, murmuring soft compliments as he goes
he'll shyly ask, "is it okay if i touch you there?"
like he's not about to have you begging for him to keep going
once he realizes how much you're into it, he flips a switch
suddenly his shy little kisses turn into biting your lip
pinning you down
murmuring in a low voice, "i'll take care of you, baby"
he'll start slow, watching you squirm under his touch
but he's secretly enjoying the power of making you lose control
SLEEPER AGENT OF KINK
you think he's all soft neck kisses and hand-holding
then he's tugging your hair, love bites on your shoulder
and growling in your ear, "you like that, don't you?"
his hands, his mouth, and his cock alternate between gentle and rough to keep you on edge <3
the moans he'll let out would be so loud and unrestrained
completely enamored with your body
big fan of overstimulation
thrives on praise
eager to learn as well!!
positions where he can see everything—your expressions, your body, the way you react to his touch—drive him wild
not afraid to try something new!
and when it's all over, he's right back to his soft and sweet self
kissing your forehead and pulling you into his arms like he wasn't doing unspeakable things to you five minutes ago.
Tumblr media
can you still guess who my favorite is... 💀 also i'm so sorry for whatever this was
38 notes · View notes
maykop1010 · 3 days ago
Text
Oh sweetie you trying to school me on what genocide and apartheid are, lol. I and my family survived a genocide and ethnic cleansing (one perpetrated by Israel).
But I’m sure this isn’t genocide, or war crimes or apartheid right boo.
"I felt like, like, like a Nazi... it looked exactly like we were actually the Nazis and they were the Jews."
Soldiers expressed anonymously how a discourse of hatred and revenge normalized the abuse of detainees.
"There is total dehumanization here. You don't really treat them as if they are human beings..."
"It's like a drug... you feel like you are the law, you make the rules. As if from the moment you leave the place called Israel and enter the Gaza Strip, you are God."
"I have no problem with women. One threw a slipper at me, so i gave her a kick here (pointing to the groin), broke all this here. She can't have children today."
"X shot an Arab four times in the back and got away with a self-defense claim. Four bullets in the back from a distance of ten meters ... cold-blooded murder. We did things like that every day."
"An Arab just walked down the street, about 25 years old, didn't throw a stone, nothing. Bang, a bullet in the stomach. Shot him in the stomach, and he was dying on the sidewalk, and we drove away Indifferently."
"A new commander came to us. We went out with him on the first patrol at six in the morning. He stops. There's not a soul in the streets, just a little 4-year-old boy playing in the sand in his yard. The commander suddenly starts running, grabs the boy, and breaks his arm at the elbow and his leg here. Stepped on his stomach three times and left."
"I asked the commander: "What's your story?" He told me: "These kids need to be killed from the day they are born. When a commander does that, it becomes legit."
These ppl know NOTHING but propoganda
Tumblr media
362 notes · View notes
deviousdayz · 1 year ago
Text
On one hand dragonflies are the dragons of the bug world. Flying leviathans and omens of death. More than that, they ARE death. But, on the other hand, they are only bugs.
I can respect a dragonfly, but the dragonfly does not know respect. It’s intelligence stops at its digestive system linked eyesight. It knows food and force and nothing else. I know more than a dragonfly, but am I better?
Some will say I have sentience and conscious thought, that I have purpose.
Is that what being better is?
Is that better than being a Force of nature? Than having a purpose so set into your being that your body reflects it? Than never feeling ennui or doubt?
I’m not sure if I am better than the dragonfly. I’m not sure we’re even on equal ground. I’m not sure the dragonfly would ever need to respect me.
0 notes
anambermusicbox · 7 months ago
Text
if someone told me 5 years ago that i would be crying regularly because of a musical artist i would’ve thought they were insane
9 notes · View notes
6mayhem · 2 months ago
Text
anyway i need to hang out with my brother again he is the one person who i am pretty sure knows literally everything about me so he's the only person i trust that i can absolutely not disappoint. nothing i can do could be worse than the sum of everything i've been doing to that poor man (and him to me) the past 19 years
#especially now that im back into literally the only interest we actually share on a deep enough level to enjoy it together LOL#i mean we were also both into hannibal but thats just not an enjoyable show to watch together its too much effort#but wow that time we read das boot slash fanfic on the bus together that was awesome#and the time we wrote fanfic together lol LITERALLY WHY DID WE STOP#he has only gotten cooler and more comfortable with his gayness since then we need to write fanfic again ‼️#anyway i feel sorry for every person in my life but i dont think anyone ill ever know could ever have as close a relationship to me as him#were platonic soulmates lol but like not in the spiritual sense bc its pretty obvious that its not some supernatural bond#its juuuust shared trauma haha and the fact that our trauma is so complex and layered that only we will ever truly understand each other#there has been a really rough patch where we practically did not talk for 4... 5? whole years im serious. maybe on the weekends sometimes#while we were stewing in our own shit. but now were inseperable i think it actually pisses off the rest of our family because every time#theres some event where we meet again (we live like 5 hours apart) we only hang around for like an hour before we get in his car#and drive somewhere and hang out there for the rest of the day and night and only return at like 3am drunk#in a sense i guess were catching up on all the missed time#to be honest we both had some horrible shit going on in our heads me with the transgenderism and toxic relationship#him with his anger issues and (what he calls) psychopathy. like ill say this much he was not a good person as a child he was a devil#he was quite literally what some describe as born evil like u know those satans spawns kids that cut off babys fingers and dissect rabbits#all that yk. and i was his first and most frequent victim due to availability lol and my parents did not know any of it and if they did#they ignored it. so yeah u can imagine the relationship was a little strained and for a long time i lived in fear of him#also due to all the death threats and attempts on my life HAHA its kinda funny because i can say all this all detached now#but i think to anyone else this sounds mad as hell. like im not talking roughhousing or being mad at each other#he was always scarily calm and hyperintelligent he was actually diagnosed with some form of like super high intelligence that#makes kids capable of being really manipulative and thats what he used at every turn. everything was always calculated that was scary#if he was nice to me i would question if he was trying to lure me somewhere to hurt me yk?#anyway. sometimes those old thoughts come back when were hanging out alone but mostly i know hes changed and worked on himself#sorry oversharing oh wow
3 notes · View notes
katyobsesses · 5 months ago
Text
.
2 notes · View notes
kittlyns · 8 months ago
Text
I had yet another long, strenuous day yesterday and didn't finish work until super late and then I couldn't fall asleep until well past 2am cuz I was in so much pain from standing literally all day
#what made it worse was the client I spent most of my day with was a brand new client. and she booked super last minute#so I wasnt mentally prepared for doing a 5 hour color. and her natural hair was already pretty light so I had to foil foil foil. go back.#pull out first couple foils. foil foil foil. go back. pull out the next few.#over and over and over.#and her hair was so fucking long. and so fucking thick.#and after the first hour she wouldn't talk. like I like my silence so I don't fight it much#but every now and then I would try to engage with her. I'd say something and she would straight up ignore me. no acknowledgment.#which makes me feel anxious cuz it's like jesus... does she hate me?? did I piss her off somehow?#even when I finished her hair (it looked fucking amazing no lie. one of my best highlights yet.) she had next to no reaction to it#she was like 'it looks fine. I mean good. it's good.' completely deadpan#I laughed it off and was like yeah it's been a long day girl! but it looks amazinggg on you!!#no response. deep inhale. alright.#whatever tho.#when I did finally get off work I stopped @ bojangles cuz I was lightheaded and hadn't eaten since morning#and when I tell you I almost broke down into tears cuz there were so many people crowding the goddamn pickup area.#and so many bizarre conversations going on. genuinely felt like I was in some form of hell#like my feet hurt. my back hurts. I'm tired. I didn't get the validation I like to have over a 5 hour transformative color.#I'm hungry and there are two elderly women blocking the pickup counter. one is hard of hearing so she keeps yelling HUH???#and the other only speaks in soft baby whispers. that goes as well as you can imagine.#there's a man behind me grilling an employee abt whether or not he goes to church. he starts witnessing to him#and the employee says 'I've never thought about it like that before' no less than 4 times.#there's a child in front of me playing tiktoks @ full volume. and this is all happening simultaneously.#I really considered just leaving without my food but I knew I needed to eat and didnt have anything at home so I stuck it out#was it worth it? no. bojangles honestly sucks these days but what's a girl gonna do.#got home and tried to pass out but nope. tossed and turned all night.#put on hot n cold patches to try to soothe the pain a little. didn't work cuz one pain would be eased a bit and another pain would take over#blahhhhhh#and now. I get to do it all over again! yippeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
2 notes · View notes
pepprs · 2 years ago
Text
june 27th give it up for june 27th
Tumblr media
#purrs#delete later#sure would be an INFINITELY more special and auspicious day if there wasn’t going to be • thunderstorms all day • a budget meeting • two#back to back orientations where i am going to have to take on 2X THE FACILITATION ROLESSSSS 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪 bc we’re doing that now. LMFAOOOOOO#<- and by that i mean splitting up the facilitation so instead of 4 ppl shari ng responsibility for talking AND doing logistics there’s 2#ppl talking and 2 ppl doing logistics. and mutuals need i remind you that facilitating this specific session requires being extremely high#energy and mobile and getting ppl ‘hyped’ and there are 383729473 reasons why that is difficult for me to do in front of 100+ new students#plus three cofacilirators i am scared of / intimidated by for various reasons. im going to be sick soooo genuinely. i HATE this 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣#anyways yeah. today is my one year anniversary and also my first day as an fte so. 🫠 and one year ago today was pretty awful too like my#first day was actually extremely extremely bad and i cried like multiple times every day that week bc it kept getting worse so. love how#things have changed so substantially since then and the things that triggered me on that day aren’t an issue anymore <3 (they are very much#still an issue it’s just the specific people involved have changed bc half the ppl working here including one of my dearest closest#mentors who was deeply involved in that situation have left the university and now it is utterly unrecognizable and every day i wake up in#an alternate universe i know deep down i am not supposed to be in and yet im trapped in it irreversibly and this IS my universe now. lolll 🥰#)) also ik it’s stupid to still be grieving over this but like. the entire way it all went down + the fact that it even did in the first#place and the STAGGGERING consequences of it. are kind of insane. every new development makes me feel more and more like im living in a fake#reality and nothing that is happening is supposed to be happening and im dreaming it all but it’s a bad dream. and idk how to accept#that this is NOT. a dream and that what happened happened and now i have to live with it and stop curling in on myself like a prey animal an#and isolating myself from everyone i love and taking every single conceivable situation badly. like tfw da therapy isn’t working 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#anyways i need to go get ready and practice the fucking 16 page facilitation guide 🙄 see u on the other side lol
11 notes · View notes
youjustwaitsunshine · 1 year ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
just had an unreasonably bitchy reaction, see yall in 20 minutes when im crying because i was unreasonably bitchy
4 notes · View notes
milo-is-rambling · 2 years ago
Text
Chronic pain really got me going to bed before it’s even dark out (also my little pink unicorn lights Millie got me look so cool in the second pic)
Tumblr media Tumblr media
#my back and shoulder are killing me and I’ve done nothing but smoke weed and stretch and I just hurt so bad#so I’m gonna go to bed and hopefully feel better tomorrow#I work at nine again tomorrow so if anything hopefully going to bed early helps that#I’m excited to sleep hopefully a lot and hopefully really well bc 1) weed. 2) took sleepy cough meds to try and mooch extra pain reliever#out of meds in my cabinet. 3) took a back and muscle pain Aleve (even tho I hate taking pills and it took me like three whole min to get it#down my fucking throat. 4) tired from actually using my brain and anxiety from work tired#5) period tired and chronic pain tired#like guys my brain and my body are both exhausted and the idea of getting up tomorrow and doing any of it again makes me miserable and I did#nothing but sit at a computer for three and a half hours that’s itttttt#like doing two week road-trip then non stop either emotional or physical shit every day until my first day at work#like I’m already setting myself up for this to be the summer of the grind#gonna make a bunch of money (and spend too much and blame it on the summer time and needing a little treat every time I venture out into the#heat or work a day or do anything at all) and then save a bunch all fall winter spring and once it gets colder and I feel like I can handle#my job more I want to focus on how to make moving out happen. like I need to figure out if maybe there’s somewhere I want to live that has#an Office Depot I could transfer to cause office depots are everywhere and maybe that’s an added way for me to figure out where I want to#move#hmmm okay I’m gonna lay in bed on google maps looking at Office Depot locations in New England and I’m just gonna daydream and try to fall#asleep and I’ll look at / add to my Pinterest board of house and apartment inspo#going to think about the future because I want to live !!!!#anyways yeah this is the summer of being miserable and spending all my money on bullshit and daydreaming and disappointing my mother#and also the summer of my weed tolerance doubling forever until I’m back to smoking constantly to the point where I’m making myself sick and#then I’ll get sick of smoking weed for a bit and that’ll lead me into saving money again#or force me into a tolerance break where I stop buying weed#either way I’m going to smoke all summer it’s gonna be weed and sweat and fresh fruit and laying in my room during all of my days off and it#it’s gonna suck and I’m gonna be thinking about my dad the whole time and it’ll be depressing and isolating and lonely and I’ll come out of#the summer recentered and motivated towards big goals again like I always am#and then I’ll crash and burn next spring as always. cycles continue forever thank u seasonal depression.#I want to grow up and mature in the ways I deal with myself my health and advocating for my mental health I feel like I need to grow up a#bit so I hope I do that and it feels good. I hope I make friends and I can daydream about the future every night and my room will smell like#weed and incense and sweat and love and tears and it will be incredible
3 notes · View notes
thursdayg1rl · 2 years ago
Text
ok no dicking about now im going into exam mode
2 notes · View notes
snailobituaries · 2 years ago
Text
That’s it. Bard alum are never allowed to play root again unless they graduated >10 years ago or have a note from their doctor saying they don’t have a inferiority complex or a gear fetish
#back in my day...#YOUR DAY WAS TWO YEARS AGO SHUT UP!!!!!#why do you only have a 1/8 inch to 1/8 inch TRS cable#you need an aux to 1/4 inch#ITS NEVER BEEN A PROBLEM BEFORE STOP SHOWING OFF#It's just always so plainly obvious with these types that they have never secured a gig without a substantial amount of (bard-adjacent)#connections but want to make current bard students THINK that they are some sort of big time hot shot artist#you played THE SCHOOL CAFETERIA last semester hot shot#slow your roll#and I always let it get to me!#every time!#because like them I am also insecure about my place in the imaginary music scene#as a venue manager and a technician#It's like they always go out of their way to not-so-subtly remind me that I am a STUDENT manager for a STUDENT venue and have a STUDENT'S#understanding of music tech#and barely even that#They need me to know my place because they have no idea what there's is#Playing at their former (barely) college venue brings up all these feelings about the trajectory of their professional careers and identity#as a musician and an artist#And they take alllllllll that insecurity#and put it into a big ol slimy bucket#and dump it on my FUCKING HEAD#and oh huh weird coincidence it's always cishet men how TOTALLY BIZARRE#I know the best response would be to shrug it off#oh we don't have the equipment you wanted#sorry we're DIY baby I do not know what you are talking about and I do not care#unfortunately i care A LOT#I CARE WAY TOO MUCH WHICH IS WHY THERE'S NOT GARBAGE PILED SO HIGH IN THE BATHROOM YOU CANT OPEN THE DOOR LIKE HOW IT WAS IN YOUR DAY#WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE GO GET A GIG AT AVALON OR SOMETHING#I think I need to start carrying my clonopin around with me at all times
2 notes · View notes
dsfjjshgffdg · 2 years ago
Text
going to the store was so worth it i got to say hi to the little (3 months old iirc?) puppy again and this rlly nice smooth collie .. owner was like "they can tell u like dogs!" Fuck man i sure do
2 notes · View notes
racke7 · 22 days ago
Text
Got the results of the MRI.
No signs of anything bad.
Hmm...
#doctor continued to push for me switching to a different kind of pill. so fine. we'll give it a shot#currently i'm doing yoga-exercises every morning and evening. and i still very much enjoy my microwaved pillow on my back#when i wake up in the morning. like. do i NEED it? not really. but it's very nice. and this is with my half-dose (only evening)#of my regular pills on top of that. so. i'm marking this in the calendar as the day i stop taking those pills#and start taking the recommended pills instead. she says it's better that i take 3-4 of those per day than the dosage i've been on#but the box says that i'm allowed a max of 8/day. so if the pain starts up again (it's winter. so it should bother me less)#we'll start off with 2pills/dose morning-and-evening. and add another 2pill-dose somewhere in the middle if it doesn't work.#(dunno how long i'd be able to survive this. but current thoughts are to experiment with it for a week-ish)#and then. if it gets too bad? i break out my old pills (i still have them) and send her a message that her idea didn't work. at all.#not sure what results i'm hoping for but being able to say ''i told you so'' is at least a nice feeling?#though i'd prefer to just do maybe a few more yoga-exercises and not have to bother with the pills.#personal stuff#also. like. i get that my health is kind of shit. but normal people can sleep without waking up in pain.#normal people can wake up in the morning and pull their covers over their heads and laze about without gritting their teeth.#so i don't feel like this is a ''normal'' problem? which i feel like something like ''lack of exercise'' should be?#as in. if it was simply that i didn't do a specific and weird exercise every morning? then my pain should probably be the norm?
1 note · View note
peskyvinot · 1 month ago
Text
drowning and spilling my life into the sewer by boiling in my hyperfixations. call that ar cane't fucjung do this anymore I need to sleep I need to eat and I'm literally in a cicle of illnesses but I as a person literally disappear when I indulge in my interest to tge point of like. disossiating. and strangely it's the safest I feel all week
1 note · View note